Recollection
by Fake Bliss
Summary: Tenten is assigned to a seduction mission that has scarcely a chance of survival. She ponders what a kunoichi really is as she tries to think through eveything that clouds her. slight Tenji


**Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own Naruto.**

Tsunade looked at us over her entwined fingers, her eye reflecting sorrow, pity, and the longing of forgiveness. "You three are the only ones that I am allowed to send." She spoke softly, in a tone that I knew was reserved for the most deserving. "Hiashi-sama would never allow Hinata to even be considered for this."

I knew that from the moment that the three of us were called into her office that it was more than important. For we were kunoichi and there is always one thing that every kunoichi must do. It would be one of those tasks, one of those missions.

"Only one of you is to take this mission," Tsunade continued. "After this mission, I-I cannot guarantee your purity…and neither can I guarantee your life. There is a scarcely small chance that you will get out alive. It must be decided amongst the three of you who shall be sent."

I could see Sakura tremble fiercely and Ino bite her lip. I gazed at the ground. There was a long silence that passed through the Hokage's office.

Finally I looked up, stepping in front of Tsunade with a look of confidence. "I will, Tsunade-sama."

I heard the gasps of the kunoichi behind me but ignored it.

Tsunade looked at me with calculating eyes. I felt x-rayed as she probed my face and body language for a sign. "I'm sure," I said before she could completely open her mouth.

She nodded, eyes hardened. "Very well Tenten. You shall report here at six o'clock tomorrow."

I graced her with a silent acknowledgement before turning swiftly and exiting, forcibly knocking both doors of the office open. I heard the soft sound of my name being uttered; not in pity, but of shock. Sakura.

I was greeted by the faces of my team; they had waited outside of the office. I caught Gai's look first and he bowed his head slowly, his jaw tensed.

"Tenten-san! What was—"

Lee's inquiry was halted when Gai put a hand on his shoulder, holding him back. I trudged out of the building and into the hustle and bustle of the city known as Konoha.

Millions of things swam through my mind, and I only caught a few thoughts as I fished. I accepted the mission. I _accepted_ the mission. When the question fell from Tsunade's lips, I had already known my answer. I could not bear to let Ino or Sakura fall into the fate of kunoichi life. They had but too much of a life. To them I could not compare. I held to my decision.

_Haruno_ Sakura. _Yamanaka_ Ino. That was who they were.

Sakura was the lone female of team seven; close friend of Naruto and had a lifelong wish of bringing _her_ Sasuke back. She was the apprentice of the Hokage and one of Konoha's best medical ninja. She herself was her own genius; a medical genius. Her clan was not widely known for much and she alone could bring up its name. She was as delicate as her namesake and yet tougher than metal.

Ino was the only female of team ten. She was from the renowned Yamanaka clan and was becoming an expert herself in mind techniques. She was beautiful and confident; headstrong.

Hinata…precious, stunning Hinata. She was not even allowed to be considered for something such as this.

There was Haruno Sakura. There was Yamanaka Ino. There was the honorable Hyuuga Hinata. And then there was Tenten.

_Tenten._ It was a name that brought no picture to mind. There was not the image of daring green eyes or of determined blue ones; there was nothing. There was none but the thought of a normal kunoichi; a throwaway ninja.

People, both young and old walked past me, smiles painted on their faces. Their interactions seemed miles away.

I am only Tenten, the girl on the sidelines. The girl everyone knew but did not approach. I am the only female of Team Gai. I am not of the rookie nine. I am not of the prodigy circle. I am not the girl everyone runs to when they need help. I am an ordinary person, an ordinary ninja. I am the nameless shinobi that is never written about in history books or discussed during academy classes. I am not the ninja that has the rectitude of an engraving on the honored rock.

I had felt an obligation, a need to protect those important. If I were to do so, then perhaps I would be remembered by at least those that I had helped. This was the fate of a kunoichi and if I could save them from it, at least I myself would feel better. _Fate_… I laughed to myself. Now I sounded like Neji.

I found my way to the training grounds and sat at the base of the tree that Neji always sat on to meditate. I closed my eyes.

I did not meditate; for my mind was too clouded to clear.

A while later I could hear the faint rustle of fabric; someone was sitting nearby.

I let it go as the form settled into the silence of the clearing. I fell back into thought.

As a child, I had aspired to become a kunoichi; to one day be famous like Tsunade-sama. I had hoped to become one that stood out amongst the crowd, one that everyone knew, recognized and attempted to approach, and one that would be remembered.

It was now that I realized that the life of a kunoichi was much more than that. I realized that a shinobi gave up things such as love, that sacrificed, that gave in their lives. It was then that I also realized that a kunoichi was different. A kunoichi was beyond a simple shinobi. A kunoichi didn't give up such things as love, and didn't sacrifice, and didn't give their lives.

A true kunoichi handed over her soul.

Once tomorrow began, I would no longer be a shinobi. I would be something much deeper, much less, and yet much more.

Love was human nature. I had thought about it. I had always wanted to be independent but also to have someone there for me, someone to depend on. If I were to be in love, it would be with someone who could share similar feelings and understand and yet not understand; someone to respect those tender feelings. He didn't have to be famous, rich, or a genius. He just had to be himself and reflect what was written in my eyes.

I had feelings for Lee before but they soon passed, as any small crush would. I had my fair share of adoration for Neji, hopefully unbeknownst to him.

"Tenten." A voice disturbed me and I opened me eyes to see Neji's form before me. I should have known it was him; I had taken his normal place after all.

"Yes?" I gazed at him questioningly.

"It is time for sparring," he said. He knew something was wrong. He neither asked nor said anything more as he began to assume his stance. He knew that silence was what I wanted and it was silence was that I needed.

I nodded and stood slowly. My hand traveled to the large scroll still attached to my waist. What was I mulling over everything for? I should not make this day miserable. A smile graced my lips.

Today would be my last day as a shinobi and I would treasure every moment of it.

I wrenched a scroll from my hip pouch, twirling it in the air around me.

_I could feel my heart tearing farther apart._

I threw the contents of my scroll at Neji. He dodged every weapon with ease.

_Yes, I would enjoy today. For today, I was not fighting to finally defeat Neji. _

Surprisingly, I dodged every juuken that came my way. I quickly flipped back a few meters, whipping out two green scrolls.

_I was fighting to sing for him the song of my soul._

I bit my thumb, summoning and hurling the weapons at him expertly.

_I was singing so that if I forgot, at least he could hear the notes…_

He dodged every one once again, charging straight at me.

_At least he could listen to the lyrics…_

I unclasped my large scroll, giving him a third of its contents.

_At least he could hear the rhythm…_

Nothing got through his barrier.

_At least he could hear the melody…_

I threw the rest of the scroll at him, giving it my all.

_At least he could listen to the beats…_

He blasted them away with many thrusts of chakra.

_At least he could hear the harmony…_

I jumped back, only to realize that I had backed into a tree. I looked at it helplessly, feeling oddly caged. I turned, pressing my back into the bark. I gasped for air when his fingertips stopped an inch away from my heart. I had no need to catch my breath from the training and yet my breath hitched and I felt the need for oxygen. I acknowledged my defeat.

_So at least he could remember my soul._

He straightened up, retracting his hand but I grabbed it before he could fully pull away.

I felt his intense gaze.

I looked into his eyes and saw no question.

I took his hand in both of mine, not wanting to let go. My hands and chest shook. I brought his hand to my heart. There was no ground under my feet. I was not leaning on a tree. I merely existed in the realm; not really patting it softly or grasping hold of it. I pulled his hand to my lips, my head bowing to the acknowledgement that what I always wanted couldn't be mine. I could feel a tear fall from my eye, travelling down my cheek to his flesh.

A word was not needed and he understood that. All that was left was the silence that passed between us. I listened to its melodic sound. How it could represent both happiness and sorrow. For a moment, I could hear the beating of every heart. I could hear the dewdrops fall. I could hear the whisper of the leaves.

As my soul shattered, I could still feel the pieces freezing, halting from their separation. I could feel the coldness of reality reach for my spirit as well as the touch of the only thing that kept me from its grasp.

As the world around me fell into nothingness, all I could feel was a single bond. It was not the bond of his heart and mine. It was the bond of his soul and my soul, dancing to the sweet notes of my song that pierced the silence of life for the first, last, and only time. And before the pieces fell into nothingness and the thin bonds of my soul few completely apart; they were held steady by the strong bonds of his as his warmth wrapped around me. I wept away what was left of it and I fell into the embrace of his arms.

**Author's Note: **Whew, It's been like two years since I wrote in first person for a narrative. Third is much more comfortable for me. I got really inspired by Memoirs of a Geisha and just had to write this! This is what I believe would go through Tenten's mind if she all of a sudden got a suicide & seduction mission. Though, I think I overdid it with the soul emphasis. Thanks a bunch for reading. Criticism is always appreciated. ^-^


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